to surrender

The other day I watched the movie Elizabethtown. I enjoyed the movie for reasons I cannot really explain. Something about it appealed to me, and I felt odd connections to the characters. One of the lead actors said something that has been echoing in my heart ever sense watching the film. 

She said, "Sadness is easy because it's surrender."

"Sadness....

is surrender"

Upon first hearing this, I was excited! I thought this small quote would be of use to me when trying to describe my 'emotionless' state of being. I am one who feels greatly, but expresses few passionate feelings.

This way of life is not understood by most. 

The idea of sadness being easy because it is surrender, in my mind, gave me an excuse to dismiss any feelings besides ones of joyful nature. 

Success! This is the answer to living a happy life. Never allowing yourself to feel sad leaves only feelings of happiness... right?

Wouldn't that be easy. 

My momentary feeling of accomplishment was quickly eliminated. 

Folks, in case you're wondering, the answer is not that easy.

We, as humans, do not like pain.

We were not meant to live with pain.

Yet, we are fallen.

So pain becomes us.

Unfortunately, we're not perfect. 

(sorry to burst any overly-optimistic readers' bubbles)

We live lives in a constant battle. This battle is for our souls! Ever sense the beginning of time, humans have been challenging the way of life set out for us. We can't comprehend the fact that God truly loves us and wants what's best for us. As a whole, humanity is fallen.

We have broken hearts.

As a result of this, we have pain.

But, because God is good, we don't have to have pain forever. 

Earth though, earth has pain. 

There is an entire book in the Bible dedicated to expressing pain. 

The book of Lamentations is one giant poem of tears. Israel had been taken, it's streets were in ruin, its people were in complete despair. The highest evil was present and the people were completely lost. Lamentations is a concentrated and intense Biblical witness to suffering. 

To be human is to suffer. Though it may be painful, suffering does not make you weak.

This is a concept that I struggle with.

I am the strong one.

People come to me with their pain, I don't fall.

I don't cry.

I am a pillar.

"Sadness is easy... because it is surrender."

No, sadness is easy because it is human.

Sadness is hard... because it is surrender.

Surrender does not make you weak, it makes you vulnerable...

But to be vulnerable takes more strength than being closed-off.

It is so easy to keep your feeling to yourself, trust me, I know. It takes incredible amounts of trust to open-up yourself to others. This process of surrender is necessary, and bold.

To admit that you are not able to handle the world on your own...

To entrust you emotions to a friend...

To cry...

That is the real thing, that is how to find joy.

By lamenting, you can bond.

By bonding, you can grow.

By growing, you can disciple.

By discipling, you can bring the Kingdom of God.

By bringing the Kingdom of God, you are surrendering to the King...

because the King loves you.

This sadness... it is hard. 

You can even say that it sucks. 

But, it is essential. 

It's essential to being human, and it's essential to understanding love.

mi amigo pablo

Hoy es el dia del amor.

Estoy escribiendo en Espanol como un homenaje a Pablo Neruda.

Yo no quiero mi amor estar por solo un dia.

Me encantan los poemas de Pablo Neruda.

El conoce como escribir un poema de amor.

Todos...Senor Neruda!

"Tal ves no ser es ser sin que tu seas,

sin que vayas cortando el mediodía

como una flor azul, sin que camines 

más tarde por la niebla y los ladrillos,

sin esa luz que llevas en la mano

que tal vez otros no verán dorada,

que tal vez nadie supo que crecía

como el origen rojo de la rosa,

sin que seas, en fin, sin que vinieras

brusca, incitante, a conocer mi vida,

ráfaga de rosal, trigo del viento,

y desde entonces soy porque tú eres,

y desde entonces eres, soy y somos,

y por amor seré, serás, seremos."

Para mis amigos que hablan Espanol-- lo siento para el gramatica mala. No se como poner accentos en mis palabras.

For my non-Spanish speaking friends, Pablo Neruda's poems have been translated into English. I highly suggest you read them. He writes about love in amazing ways and also every day occurrences. 

Happy Valentines day, friends.

Go buy some heart-shaped candy.

quarantine

Hello flu.

I don't like you.

Please leave my roommate alone.

Her stomach is not your home. 

Though she's nice and not to fear,

You are not welcomed here.

You are a virus, green and icky.

And I don't mean to be picky...

But I don't want to be your friend.

Your relationship with Alex needs to end.

Leave our presence you vile thing!

Only sadness do you bring.

Away with you I cry,

Adios, sayonara, goodbye.

a gift

Today is my birthday.

My dad gave me a card that said "Way to be born and stay alive!"

I laughed for a minute and then realized how powerful that statement actually is. 

First, the miracle of life. The questions about life and its significance have been debated sense the beginning of time. Why are we here? Why are we born? 

Love.

To love.

To be loved.

To share love, and to shine love. 

Second, I am alive.  

I have lived for 19 years. Some might say that my being alive is my own doing. I keep myself alive by eating healthy foods, exercising regularly, making smart decisions and the list could go on... Some might say that my family and friends have kept me alive. They love me and care for me. They give me desire to live and they support my basic needs, but are they the reasons that I have lived for 19 years?

I would say, no.

Life is a gift. 

Every breath I take is a holy gift from the one who has created me. 

I can end life, but I cannot create it. That is a divine power.

So on this day, this day to celebrate life- I would contest that we celebrate the giver of life.

By that I do not mean my mother, though she is an amazing woman who deserves recognition for all that she has done for me and my family. 

We should look at this little life, these 19 years, and send up a prayer of thanksgiving to the one who has been there for all time.

He makes my 19 years a grain of sand on the heavenly oceans!

Surely, we can take a moment to acknowledge the fact that we were all born, and we are all alive.

And it is not our doing.

duck duck goose

I am in the process of applying for a summer job. 

Yes, I know that it is only February, but I want my summer to be meaningful. I want this summer to be about changing lives, not just getting some sun-time. 

I am applying to camps. Oh yeah, I am going to be a crazy camp counselor. I'll be one of those "adults" who gets way to excited about arts and crafts, blob tag, hikes, and water games. Even though showing excitement for multiple hours at a time is not usually my thing, I want to connect with the campers and be the 'big kid' that actually cares.

I know that when I was in elementary and middle school, the 'big kids' who took an interest in my life made the biggest impact. They are the ones who showed me that friendship has no age limit. 

I want to have those types of relationships during my summer.

How great will it be to spend an entire summer caring for others, playing games and worshiping the one who said 'let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these."

My dad always says "Kids are not the church of tomorrow, they are the church of today."

Truth.

I am also looking into an internship in the children's department of a church in the Bay Area.

 One of my favorite Bible verses is in 1 Timothy. In this letter, Paul is writing to his friend (Timothy) and is encouraging him to be bold for Christ. Timothy was much younger than Paul and was often thrown aside because of his age. Paul writes to him, "Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, instead set an example for the believers"

I am young, but I will be bold. I will boast in my Lord! 

My summer will be filled with children, who are young, and who have beautiful faith.

They are welcomed by Jesus himself into the Kingdom. 

I am so excited to see where my summer takes me. I am now releasing my anxiety regarding all of these decisions to God. For I know that He has awesome stuff planned.

Let's go, Let's go!