"Yo quiero estar contigo
Vivir contigo
Bailar contigo
Tener contigo una noche loca
Ayyy besar tu boca!
Bailando amor oohhh es que se me va el dolor."
As of now I am in Rocklin, California.
I am writing from a lonely Starbucks feeling incredibly displaced.
This is not home.
I think Mexico is home.
This isn't just some knee jerk reaction to leaving some of the best friends I have ever had, some of the most mouth watering food I have ever tasted and some of the craziest yet down to earth nights I have ever danced away...
I really mean it.
Creo que Mexico es el lugar mas cerca de mi corazon. La gente que me dan una bienvendia como nunca he experimentado antes...es mi casa.
The mix of people that I have grown to love and live in community with span from all sides of the globe. I have been blessed to fall in love with so many incredible individuals.
It really is beautiful how a group of people with incredibly different cultures, religions, language, histories, traditions, ect can come together in the name of adventure and do just that.
The last week has been one of the most amazing weeks of my life. It was filled with ridiculous adventures, dancing all night long, meals with friends, CHAPALA, late night movies (that we totally stayed awake for...), ice skating, carousel riding, exploring, we should be sleeping but instead we will embark on loco shenanigans... these memories will last forever. I know that when I think back on the last week my heart will leap for joy and begin to sing Vivir Mi Vida.
Unfortunately, I know that after my heart finishes that stupidly catchy tune, it will sink.
That last week was easily one of the hardest weeks of my life.
I have never said goodbyes that broke me as much as these ones did.
I have always had tons of friends. The whole making friends thing isn't too difficult for me.
The feeling of belonging though, that's a different story.
Ever since I was small I have been surrounded by tons of people but felt like a stranger.
I don't know if it's my own insecurities playing a mean joke on me or the fact that I just kind of hover from place to place never really putting my feet down.
Regardless, the feeling of permanency in any aspect of my life has been lacking.
That is, until I met these people.
I belong.
Sadly, we will never be together again.
Some are staying and for that I am incredibly thankful, but the majority need to return to their respective countries.
It hurts.
It really does.
I am not alone in this feeling.
I talked with several of my friends who all said the same thing...
Mexico has become home,
not because of the country in and of itself, but because of the family that we have developed there.
Right before I went to the airport I took a walk with a friend and when it was time to say goodbye he looked me in the eyes and simply said
"I don't like this."
I don't like this.
I don't like this one bit.
In fact, I hate this.
My heart is shattered into about 25 pieces... one for every person that I have given my heart to and will probably never see again.
Another one of my friends said,
"Alright, who's getting married? Someone really should do it soon because then we can all be together and once again MAKE PARTY."
(The direct translation to "Let's have a party or let's party from Spanish to English is "Make party"... It kills me. Every time.)
Maybe when we make party we can also make selfies to remember the reunion.
This next period of transition is going to be hell.
I am already feeling it.
I really have no desire to do anything...
that is, I have no desire to do anything except for return to Mexico,
right now.
Leoni, Raphael, Jasiel, Kerry, Jordi, Ardaldo, Judith, Julia, Karin, Kaori, Itzel, Leon, Lucas, Victor, Fabian, Cris, Brenda, Maria and so many more....
You have my heart.
I really wish that words could do this justice.
They really can't.
Pictures might help... (*cough* Rapha *cough*)
I guess this is it for now.
I'm sure that I will have more eloquent words to say once my brain processes and properly mourns the loss of this beautiful life.
Les amo a todos.
Have fun. Be safe. Stay out of the kitchen. ;)
