this then, is my prayer

God

Lord of Lords

Creator of past, present, future

Divine Craftsman of this beauty

Advocate of sinners

Author of life

Rabboni 

Who sits on Heaven's throne 

yet sits here with me 

and her

and him

and them.

Your name alone is holy

Jesus

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through Him all things were made; and without Him nothing was made that has been made. In Him was life and that was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not yet overcome it."

Speaking of You, Yahweh brings a breath of peace into my lungs

Jehovah

Elohim

El Roi

Bring your Kingdom here.

End this tension of the already-not yet.

The veil has been torn.

There are instances when I see your glory

Only glimpses of the true, eternal goodness that is to come

Come now.

Heal this broken land.

Restoration.

Bring Your will to this earth.

Your perfect way.

Turn the soil, plant the seeds, grow your garden anew.

This earth,

that Heaven

Make them one.

Today, Most Holy God, give me what I need to survive.

Just that

nothing more.

Help me to rely fully on You.

"For the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is Freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces, contemplate the Lord's glory are being transformed into His image, with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."

You are a good God.

Help me to remember that truth.

Forgive me for forgetting.

I fall, constantly.

I am trying, Lord

but you already know that.

Omniscient Lord

Help me to forgive others.

Thank you for giving me the ultimate forgiveness.

Help me to forgive those whom I would rather not.

Give me Your eyes

Your ears

Your lips.

Help my reactions

my thoughts

my desires

to be of You 

from You

for You.

"For I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives through me.The life I live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who delivered Himself for me."

Light of the world, help.

Help me to stray from evil.

All evil.

Help me not to desire evil.

Those small sins that seem to not matter...

they do.

You know that.

I know that.

Yet, I do them.

Help.

Surely, it is only through Your grace that I can continue.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present nor the future,nor any other powers, neither height now depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, our Lord."

Keep me.

Lead me.

Push me.

Deliver me.

Only You, Holy One

only You

only You

only You.

It's all for You

about You

because of You.

For You alone is the Kingdom

every power

and all glory.

Hallelujah. 

Amen.

anxieties and anticipations

Sadly, my time here in Gabs is coming to a swift end.

I only have two more weeks in this friendly country. 

As finals are underway and my brain is imploding, my heart is being torn in multiple directions.

I am so sad to leave.

Like really, how did May get here so quickly?

It seems like yesterday that I first arrived on the desert tarmac. 

That rickety Air Botswana plane served as a metaphorical and literal transition from a world of certainty and ease to a place of unknowns and adjustments.

As we were jostled around by turbulence so great that our tiny plan could do nothing to combat the violent air, my heart and brain were likewise bouncing around with anxieties and anticipations.

Now, as I check my itinerary for my journey back to the Pacific North West and prepare once again for that eventful Air Botswana flight, I am filled with anxieties and anticipations.

I am excited to return to the states.

Though, I will miss life here greatly, I have many things to look forward to in my upcoming summer.

 I have family, friends, and my dogs in the states.

They're cool.

I have a great internship to look forward to.

That'll be fun.

Oh, they have coffee there that's not made from an instant powder.

That's neat.

As I prepare to reintegrate into American life though, those anxieties slowly rise to the surface. 

I am so used to a relaxed, communal life that is absent in the American lifestyle.

People here walk with their heads up and great everyone they pass with a friendly

"Dumela mma"

or

"Dumela rra."

There is always music playing and people dancing.

Children running about and older women sitting enjoying the sun and a nice cold coke.

I went to a restaurant in Gabs the other day and felt super uncomfortable.

It took me a while to pinpoint why I felt this way.

Then I realized.

Too many white people.

Ha, how Gig Harbor will be an adjustment.

Anxieties.

Yet, anticipation.

Furthering my emotional rollercoasterness, I am jacked for August when I move to Guadalajara.

Guadalajara is said to be the cultural hub of Mexico!

Mariachi for days.

For the last few months, I have borrowed a friend's copy of the Harry Potter movies and watched a half hour of them every day.

Why?

Because on the languages menu they have a Spanish option.

I am one of three people in this entire country that speaks Spanish.

Si, es la verdad.

Y es muy triste.

Porque de eso, no hablo espanol aqui.

Since I can't speak Spanish here, but I am moving to a country where I'll be participating in Spanish immersion, I need to be hearing the language on the daily.

Let's just say this, my current vocabulary consists of very wizardy language.

I may not remember how to ask for directions, but hey, I can ask someone where they bought their wand!

Or, if they have found a horcrux lately. 

So, I guess that's pretty cool.

What crazy cultural transitions...

Chicago

Gaborone

Gig Harbor

Guadalajara

Lord help me.

Last night, I had a super neat experience with some of my classmates.

I am taking a fourth year history course (which is totes kicking my butt btw)

Ecology and Empire, Conservation and Politics of East Africa During the Colonial Era

Yeah, what a title, I know.

I ran into some of my classmates and they invited me to one of the common rooms on campus for something to do with our class.

I showed up expecting for them to be studying for our final or something of that nature,

but instead they were dancing!

They rented out an entire common room to eat snacks, dance and toast to the end of the year. 

These students are completing their studies at UB and instead of panicking, they were taking time to acknowledge how much they appreciated each other.

They gave speeches about how much they have learned not only from lecturers, but from each other.

They included myself, and the other international student in that class, in their speeches.

It was so sweet!

I hope that by the time I graduate my department will be as close and supportive as these students are.

It is such a blessing to school here.

People genuinely care about each other.

It's fantastic.

Well, it is Saturday afternoon, I have five finals next week, so I probably should begin to study.

I could write forever about the joys and pains of being here.

But, I won't.

Get coffee with me when I return to the Harb.

Seriously.

I would love to share stories as well as hear what is going on in your life!

\

Go siame, sala sentle.