because i am a woman

Botswana is incredibly beautiful.

As I sit writing I am surrounded by twisty, worn trees with beautiful blossoms of Easter-esc, pastel colors.

Garden workers buzz around me, each never passing without a cheerful greeting of "Dumela mma". 

Good morning mam.

Their early morning cheerfulness inspires me to welcome each new day with their same excitement.

I am off to present a poem I have written for class.

The poem is titled "Because I am a woman".

It is a feminist interpretation of Mark 5:21-43

otherwise known as the story of the bleeding woman.

For me, this poem has become more than just an assignment.

It has become an outlet for me to express my frustration with the incredibly patriarchal society that is Botswana.

As I wrote, I continually asked God to prepare me to speak truth to the audience I was to share it with.

While I was reading, and rereading, and rereading and.... well, rereading the story, my mind was fixated on answering the question "How can this story be told to empower women?"

But more than that

"How can this story be told to empower Motswana women?"

Many people here have faith.

It is quite astounding how many times I have been invited to attend church with a complete stranger.

But sadly, the patriarchy in the church is dominant in Botswana.

Women are not built up within the walls of the church, they are, most often torn down.

My faith does not tear down women.

My religion does not tear down women.

My Messiah, he definitely does not tear down women.

Yet here, that is not the reality.

I was only given a week's time to compose my poem.

I could tweak and refine my words for years.

This task was too important to give haste to!

Why do I doubt God's hand?

Every day my heart breaks for the people of Botswana.

The oppression is severe. 

The woman are patronized, objectified and constantly belittled all in the name of culture.

They are given worth based on their ability to please a man.

Brains, imaginations, cleverness, confidence, strength... they are of no value here.

For a woman.

My heart does not only break for the women, it also breaks for the men.

With the rise of global feminism, young women are given special attention and are beginning to be taught what it is to be a woman.

For the man, the "proper" characteristics and behaviors are assumed.

They are not discussed.

Women are beginning to gather to discuss their place and power.

Men, they are left to figure out their slowly changing roles in society all on their own.

This has given birth to passion killings.

Men are back lashing too swiftly and fiercely to the newly, and only so slightly, empowered woman.

The "need" to show power and dominance is dramatized to the murders of several unsuspecting women.

The tensions are addressed and therefore worsening. 

As I look into the eyes of the young men and women in my class, my heart beat quickens. 

I feel so alone.

My message so contradictory to this culture.

I am not alone.

Who am I kidding?

I have the bleeding woman.

"Because I am a woman"

A poetic interpretation of Mark 5:21-43

By Kayla Stelle

Silent thought I speak.

Quite while I scream.

I am not heard,

because I am a woman.

If that were not enough,

they call me unclean;

a child of some cruel sin

because I am a woman.

My small fortune has been spent;

promised healings are not delivered.

Forever I will sleep in dirt

because I am a woman.

I find myself craving mercy;

day by day losing worth.

Surely He will never touch me

because I am a woman.

I am sinking like a stone.

If only I could touch his coat

His power will descend upon me and I will be made new

even though, I am a woman.

His nearness gives me an unexplainable strength!

I crawl through the ever-growing crowd

but nobody takes notice, they are blind to my attendance

because I am a woman.

I slowly raise my frail hand;

doubt fights against belief.

This is my only chance

because I am a woman.

Immediately He turns around.

It is as if He senses my presence.

He calls for the one who touched him.

He calls for me, a woman.

In that moment, I'm amazed!

My body has been completely restored!

Then, I fall trembling at his feet, in fear,

because I am a woman.

I open my mouth to speak and a stutter comes out.

I share with Him the horrors that are my life.

Every single truth He hears

even though I am a woman.

"Daughter" He says as He looks deep into my eyes,

"Your faith has healed you."

Now, I am His child,

a beloved and cherished woman.

Away from Him I go,

my life now a testament of faith.

I am unique, treasured, empowered

because I am a woman.

Because I am a woman

my story now transcends...

cultures, genders, laws-- they have no say!

My Messiah, He heals women. 

___

I could choose to ignore the suffering that is all around me.

It would be easy to focus on the beauty that has blessed this country.

If I so desired, walking in oblivion would be a simple solution.

But, my Messiah, He heals women. 

a very happy birthday to a very special girl

Dear Mads,

I am so lucky to have you as my sister and best friend. Sisters are always portrayed as rivals and never as advocates. When I tell people that I truly love my sister, they always respond with something along the lines of "Really?" or "You guys don't just fight all of the time?". People expect us to constantly compete against each other instead of support each other. Maddog, I'm so glad that we defy that stereotype. We have countless memories shared, inside jokes conjured and awesome telepathic powers that are the result of knowing one another so intimately. We are truly blessed.

It's great to have someone to share my oodles and oodles of bazaarness with. I love that you not only match the crazy-- but often exceed it.

I love that we have this unofficial crazy-face-making-off competition every time we end a skype call. I can always count on at least two minutes of hideously fantastic faces being exchanged before one of us finally says, "Okay for real now, goodbye." (Then of course, we have a few more moments of the loco before truly signing off.)

I love that when we get into the car, one of us will pop in a cd in complete silence, wait a few moments for the tune to begin, and then simultaneously burst out singing at the top of our lungs with complete seriousness. This singing is not a joke. This is real life. I also love that the cd of choice is usually Hillary Duff's "Metamorphosis".Quality.

I love that we can be silly together when trying to talk about our days, or explain a tv show we just watched or, I don't know-- imitate Star Wars characters. (Your wookie noise could use some serious improvement, but no judgement.) It's fun when we're telling the same story and we finish each other's..... sandwiches. Dang! So close.

Girl, we're such geeks.
Nerds?
Whatever, same thing.

I love that we share a love for Lord of the Rings. Remember that one time that we went to Target and found all of those foam, medieval, weapons in the dollar section? Then do you remember when we proceeded to buy ALL OF THEM and reenact all of the Lord of the Rings battles around our house? "That still only counts as one!" OOH, do you then remember when mom walked in, carrying a bag of groceries, right into the middle of the battle for Helm's Deep? I sure hope you do, because you stabbed her with your sword, and she fell swiftly and epicly to the floor. Gosh we have a cool mom.

I love that you bought me the Ring of Power for Christmas.
One ring to rule them all...

I love that we both love Peter Pan and can literally quote the entire movie back and forth. That's pretty cool. We're pretty cool. "I have taught you to fly and to fight! What else is there?"

I love our Star Wars marathons. I am so glad that we can agree upon the fact that you watch them in the order that they were released, not the sequential order. Not only is that the only way to have a SWM, but then you are sleepy for the 1, 2, 3 and can therefore let your mind relax and not want to kill itself when Padme cries, "Anakin, you're breaking my heart!"

We have so many mishap moments... it's kind of unreal.
But then again, not unreal, because it's us.

I loved that one time when we decided to be all artsy with our food and create a bowl made out of chocolate. Goodness, that was such a magnificent idea! It worked so well the second time. The first time though....... boiling chocolate all over who? Oh yeah, me.

I loved, like seriously loved, that time that we went shopping and tried on literally all of the clothing in the clearance section of Macy's while waiting for mom to return stuff. Normally that kind of thing would drive me insane, but watching you take off that shirt and slice your forehead open with the price tag made it... priceless. If that wasn't enough, the way we "fixed it" really sealed the deal. Remember when I took out that makeup from my purse and rubbed it all over the gash to "cover it up" and then we got out of the shawty dressing room light to realize that you had a pretty solid line of sparkles and glitter going down the front of your forehead? Hey, you're like a flashy Harry Potter! You go Glenn Coco.

I loved when we were trapped at home, for what seamed like forever, due to snow in high school. Girl, we got so bored so quickly. But hey, we had each other! So, obviously we were going to do something silly and a bit unconventional. Who cares that we had perfectly delicious and normal ice cream in the freezer... we just had to make some on our own... from the snow. Yeah, that tasted good. Ps. Mom and Dad, if you're reading this, sorry for making you eat that.

Because I'm the big sister, it is my responsibility to embarrass you as much as possible.

I loved sending you that super creative letter last spring. No, not the one entirely in Spanish. (Which was meant to help you BTW, not annoy you.) I'm talking about the one with the strip of waxed leg hair. I honestly don't know why you didn't appreciate that... That was a piece of me. That leg hair had traveled around with me for five months. It saw the world! You obviously didn't care. Whatever. See if I ever give you anything meaningful again!

I love going to places with a self-check option with you. You know why (; OHHHH the volume on those thingys can be cranked so loud! I love watching your face go from a "Yay Kayla is buying me candy!" face to a "What the hell Kayla, you speak English not Spanish" face. Again, I am just trying to help.

I love driving you places. Seriously, I do. I enjoy driving for one, but girl you know how free I become when behind the wheel. I love singing at the top of my lungs and dancing like it's nobodies business. You however, do not appreciate that little detail. Mads, you sink so low into your seat, it's ridiculous. Just embrace it! Life is wonderful.

You dish it right back at me though...

You love to take pictures of me when I'm sleeping. You love it so much, you make collages! Collages! Like, are you kidding me? I can't count the amount of times I have walked into a room and seen you, with your ipod, showing people pictures and saying "This is Kayla sleeping in the car on the way to Tahoe... This is Kayla when she fell asleep after showering... This is Kayla sleeping on her text book... This is Kayla sleeping on the trampoline..."

You love to laugh at me when I need you to comfort me. Remember when I watched the finale to Chuck?! I called you balling my big blue eyes out and what did you do?! You first laughed, then put me on speaker and then had to hand the phone to someone else because you were rolling around on the floor. Madison, that was a defining moment in my emotional life and you did not care at all! Sarah doesn't remember Chuck! Do you understand the horrors of this?! Love... I just can't.

You love to do stupid little things, in public, to embarrass me. Like hey, remember when I was wearing a zip up jacket that one time when we went to Costco. YOU KNOW I NEVER WEAR ANYTHING UNDER THOSE. But what did you do? "Hey Kayla, what's that?" I look to the left... you unzip my jacket. I was so exposed. SO EXPOSED.

Even though you do all of those things, you are still so damn cool!

I love the quirky things you do. I remember one time when the power had been out for days and I came downstairs to the cutest/most pathetic thing I had ever seen anyone do. You were sitting in the dark with a tea light, a tooth pick and a bag of mini mollows roasting them. Seriously, you're the greatest.

I love that you made varsity basketball as a freshy. That one really needs no further explanation. #balla

I love that YOU WERE ATHLETE OF THE WEEK TWO WEEKS IN A ROW. Girl, you are such a champion! Even though you despise the pictures that were chosen, you still looked sick. And not sick as in ill, sick as in too legit to quit.

I am so proud of you.

I love that you have become such a leader. I remember the first time I saw you really step up. It was at a Blue Ox basketball banquet during the awards section of the evening. You were so little and so cute. Up until then, I don't think I had ever seen you voluntarily speak in front of a group of people. But girl, you just marched up in front because you were determined to encourage your team. That has since developed into such a beautiful thing. You are captain of the varsity basketball team at Peninsula, a leader in the youth group and the director of this summer's mission trip. People look up to you girl.

I love the strong woman of God you have become. You are so confident because you know that you are His. You radiate His love to everyone you come in contact with, even when that is hard. You have such strong conviction and compassion. The way you care for others is extraordinary. I know that you are going to be the most fantastic teacher some day.You, through your actions, show people what it is to be a follower of a loving and powerful God. You are a rockstar.

Even though you can be SO DUMB AND ANNOYING.... like the fact that you quit softball. I had such high hopes for us... second and short... that would have been so solid. Or the fact that you listen to Taylor Swift and One Direction at an abnormal volume and consistency. Or the fact that you aren't going to North Park next year.

I'm over it.
Kind of.
Not really.
Especially the Taylor part.

I still love you SO MUCH.

To reiterate what I said at the beginning, I am so lucky to have you. I can't wait to see how our friendship only grows.

We're going to be the coolest old ladies ever.

Keep on keepin' on.

Oh, and happy birthday.