I am not overwhelmed, my God divides the seas.
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Last night I had the privilege of listening to Pastor Judy Peterson lay it down here at North Park University.
There are few faces that I recognize in this neighborhood. For the year and a half that I was a student physically at NPU, I dipped out of all the lower lever classes and jumped right into the meaty stuff. This resulted in my community being comprised of upper classmen who, surprise, have graduated.
Being a senior I am the oldest, which is strange in its own way, and today I was asked by four students already, "Are you new?"
No, I'm not new.
But yeah, I'm totally new.
At this point in my small life, two years of separation is quite a chunk of time.
This being said, Pastor Judy's warm smile and wise words were a kind reminder that yes, I do go here and though I am new, I am also old. This, I remember.
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PJP spoke last night about the definition of "whelm."
As a noun the word means "an act or instance of flowing or heaping up abundantly; a serge."
As a verb it means "to engulf, submerge, burry (someone or something)."
In many ways, I am overwhelmed.
That surge, often caused by heaping deep waters flowing fiercely into shallow water, is engulfing me completely and causing me to lose my footing and control.
I'm back in Chicago walking through places filled with memories that almost seem to be of someone else. I have changed abundantly since that last time my feet walked these streets and alleys.
I am being forced to reconcile my issues with peppy Christianity and the pressures that come along with attending an overtly Christian university.
The diversity of Chicago, particularly my neighborhood, is forcing me to dive right into my current identity crisis of what it means to be a white woman who genuinely loves foreign as well as local cultures and traditions.
The seemingly awesome "Kayla plan" that I have been living into for the last three years has been totally rocked by God who continues to show me that His plan is way greater than mine and that I need to suck it up and live into His incredibleness instead of trying to create my own.
I have just finished moving into my apartment, which is my tenth home in the last four years. As I unpacked my things I was overcome by so many nostalgic and sentimental feelings and thoughts that served dually to create the desire to throw everything I own away because to forget is easier than to remember but also to hold everything so close because my memories are all that I have. I know now that the next 9 months I spend within these walls will create their own sentiments that will later be unpacked and fought over and for during my next stages of my life.
I am overwhelmed.
PJP continued to speak strait to my heart as she called out the fact that though we may feel like we're desperately treading water without any support, we're totally wrong.
She spoke out of Exodus where the Israelites were delivered from Egypt just to be pinned between the Red Sea and a super pissed off Egyptian army.
They were stuck with no weapons and no floaties.
Just like the Israelites, I need not fear for my God divides the seas.
My God has no business with shallow waters.
"God is into deep water because it is when we come to the end of ourselves that we find the beginning of God." PJP
Word after word Pastor Judy wrecked me with the reality that this deep water that I'm currently in is exactly where God wants me. It's in these times that I am truly forced to rely on God and his goodness, mercy and grace to guide me in the direction that He knows is best.
"God is simply not interested in us staying in the shallows where we can always touch. The point is that you cannot do this on your own and you don't have to." PJP
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I am not overwhelmed, my God divides the seas.
Do not be afraid.
Stand firm.
The Lord will fight for you,
you need only be still.
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Thank you, God, for the whelms in my life.
